Hell is other parents

"ImmoralMinority" (araimondo) 08/24/2018 at 09:29 • Filed to: None

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In just a few hours, I will be driving the Sunchaser to SF.

I will do a labor law presentation for some dairymen, and then attend an SF Giants game at one of the nicest ballparks in the country. (No hot dogs/no beer for the cardiac patient) I might have to break down for some garlic fries, tho....

Tomorrow, I leave at dawn for Laguna Seca, just a couple of miles from my old house. I will be meeting CaptDale, his partner, and a Opp friend from LA who I now think of by real name instead of Oppo handle hence this awkward and poorly written sentence.

My old mentor is also going to be there, an old time ag labor warrior who handled the UFW lettuce strikes back in the Cesar Chavez days. He has been attending the historic races for over 20 years. He is a fun and boisterous enthusiast, and the owner of a gorgeous Kirkham Cobra. I don’t think he drives it much, and he has told me t hat he is thinking about selling it to get a vintage luxury car - more comfort.

http://www.kirkhammotorsports.com

His looks almost exactly like this one. It is the loudest car I have ever heard that is streerlt legal.

Last night, I went to a marching band backers informational meeting for my 14 year old, who is playing tenors on the drumline. This marching band has 300 kids and a trailer that needs a commercial truck to haul it. It is a lot of logistics and very expensive to move them around. So every school has a parent support organization, usually a nonprofit corp, with parents who volunteer to organize fundraising and volunteers to wrangle the kids. It is a thankless job that is a lot of work. This is my second high school and band with my kids (my older son goes to a different public school), so I have seen how this works (disastrously at my older son’s school).

A meeting that should have taken 20 minutes to find out how to sign up and how to get more information took almost 2 hours. At the end, some mom in the crowd started demanding answers as to why her precious baby had to audition and why some kids got cut from the field show and parade. I so badly wanted to tell her that her kid got cut because some other kid was better, which is a valuable lesson for a child to learn. These poor parent volunteer were broadsided with shit that should have been taken up with the band director. I told the lady that and walked out. I really don’t care what part my kids have in the band. The coolest part about marching band is that they are only as good as their weakest link, and it really treaches kids to work together.

Before you have kids, you get to choose who you associate with. When you have kids, you are forced to associate with assholes and their shitty kids. You will find that it is a gift when your kids’ friends have tolerable parents.

Sovande > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 09:44

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This is the most accurate thing I have read in a long, long time. 

Before you have kids, you get to choose who you associate with. When you have kids, you are forced to associate with assholes and their shitty kids. You will find that it is a gift when your kids’ friends have tolerable parents.  

functionoverfashion > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 09:46

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Our kids are only 4 and 6 but we’ve already seen a bit of this. We were deciding whom to invite to their birthday party tomorrow, and of course ended up with, “well if we invite Smiths , we’ve gotta include the Johnsons too... and then... ” that’s how it begins. At this age, too, it’s the whole family that comes, rather than just the one friend of our son, or whatever.

At least for now, the kids are little enough that I just can’t really pay much attention to any particular adult, no matter what - there’s too much else to do keeping things going, and watching out for the kids. That’s good and bad of course.

smobgirl > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 09:47

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First of all, thank you for actually going to a parent meeting.

Second of all, as a not particularly tactful person, I HATE having to deal with those parents. YOUR KID IS PLAYING TRIANGLE BECAUSE SHE’S TOO LAZY TO LEARN ANYTHING ELSE. 

Chariotoflove > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 09:54

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We have been blessed with good neighbors and friends for our daughter. We have an unusual paucity of shitty parents in our lives. 

Ash78, voting early and often > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 10:00

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Over the past few years, I’ve found that most of my “friend group” (when you’re a parent, this term gets looser over time) are mostly now just the “other parents I can actually tolerate. ” Similarly, even if the parents are great, the ones with shitty kids get the subtle cold shoulder. Because you’re all going to cross paths, and honestly it’s more important for the kids to be around good influences. Parents usually have enough backbone to ignore their bad influences; kids will fall prey too it.

It’s rare that we have a friend who doesn’t have children of a similar age because the logistics of simply getting together become a problem. It’s weird, but it’s actually expanded our friend group by a factor of 5+. And it teaches you lots of lessons about dealing with people. Thankfully going to a cheap private school at least ensures that most kids are academically focused and their parents are motivated enough to seek these schools out (note: there are private schools where you go for the education/environment/teachers , and those where you pay a fortune for the clout...this is the first category)

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 10:11

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At the end, some mom in the crowd started demanding answers as to why her precious baby had to audition and why some kids got cut from the field show and parade.

“ Well if you’d actually involve yourself in your kid’s schooling instead of being buried in your precious phone, you may already know the answer.”

This is what I want to tell the majority of the parents at our school.

Sovande > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 10:11

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My son was hit by a car yesterday while riding his bike. He is fine, it was not his fault (he was hit by a woman making a right on red, he was in a crosswalk, etc ) and he was checked out at the hospital out of an abundance of caution. I relate this story because while waiting for him to be released by the doctor’s after a routine concussion exam (he’d hit his head, but was wearing a helmet and everything was very low speed, the helmet was undamaged and unscratched ), one of his mother’s friends said to me: “Thanks for coming, ” a s though I was there checking in on someone else’s child as opposed to being the father to my own. So it’s not only the parents of other kids in your circle who can really suck, it’s people in general. I have never felt more dismissed in my whole life. I have been fired from jobs with less derision. I have been put in jail by people who showed less judgement.

Stay patient. The key thing to recognize is that everyone is an idiot and it is your job to try as hard as you can to not run them over with your car, or drag them into the parking lot of a hospital and beat them to death with medical equipment.

TheRealBicycleBuck > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 10:23

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One would think these problems would go away in the private school system or with voluntary organizations like the Boy Scouts. Nope, bad parents are found just about everywhere.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 11:15

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So far my wife and I are raising our children to be as anti-social as we are, so there is minimal parent interaction. The few that we do have to interact with so far have been people we have known for a while and can deal with. There are a few wacco’s out there tho.

Stapleface > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 11:26

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Some of these High School bands are no joke. My nieces and nephew were in the band when they were in high school (color guard, pit) . And the logistics is mind boggling. Their band only had like 125 kids, so their stuff fit in a box truck, and 10' trailer. They traveled all over the place and were/are 8 time running Atlantic Coast Champs for their division.

The parents my sister used to deal with, I’m amazed she didn’t get charged with assault repeatedly. So many times you had incoming freshman that were dumbfounded that they couldn’t just be the centerpiece of the band, and the parents got all pissy about it. My sister tends to have no filter for that kind of stuff, and put them in their place. She was also VP of the band parents association and knew that those that complained she’d probably never see again since they certainly weren’t going to spend their time attending meetings or helping out with concessions/logistics.

CaptDale - is secretly British > ImmoralMinority 08/24/2018 at 12:31

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I really want a Cobra kit car. it is the only “Ford” product I have ever wanted.